indian satire

the chillum connection

Shiva was on the horns of a dilemma. The Lord of Kailash was fairly knowledgeable about horns because the Ox was his very own animal He had also heard of the Dalai Lama. But, a combination of the two was new to him..
‘Something on your mind?’ Betty asked as she made her way to the adjoining kitchen taking advantage of the ad break. Betty was short for Parvati - Shiva’s better half. Together they had a tremendous fan following all over the country.
‘I am unable to understand the rulers of our country,’ Shiva sighed. His chillum, like Sarah’s web pages, needed periodic refreshing. Sarah was one of his daughters, a very intelligent girl with a penchant for all types of fine arts. Of late, she was compelled to maintain an extremely tight work schedule. Students from all over the country were continuously SMS-ing her - requesting for her intervention in securing College admissions or getting class promotions....
‘What have your rulers done now?’ Betty queried. She had returned from her sojourn to the kitchen. She was now armed with a packet of the crispiest of chips. As she resumed her seat on the couch, the 6000th episode of KSBKBT went on the air.
‘It is not what they have done that worries me. It is what they have not done!’ Shiva grumbled as he drew in a long puff on his chillum and allowed the pungent smoke to gradually trickle out through his nose.
‘You mean about the mandir of Mandira?’ Betty queried.
‘No’, Shiva rolled his head from side to side, his eyes closed. He loved the world when in a trance.
‘Then it must be related to the Hindu Kush Parbat range!’ Betty remarked munching the crispy, salty delicacies. She had high BP and Dr. Dhanwantri had advised against intake of salt. But, kya karay – control nehi hota!
‘Wrong again’, the Lord of Kailash opened his eyes with difficulty, ‘why can’t they lay some pipelines from Bihar to Gujarat?’
‘Whatever for?’ Betty was aghast. ‘I have heard of the tunnel of love. Not the pipe of friendship. Do you think Laloo and Modi will become friends via this pipeline?’
‘You don’t understand’, Shiva rubbed his eyes. ‘The pipe will solve the perennial problem of flood and drought.’
‘There was a proposal to link all the major rivers,’ Betty said sniffling into her hanky. She felt sorry for poor Tulsi who has been putting on weight with every episode. The ‘K’ clan should send her off on vacation to some distant place (like Mars!) for at least six months.
‘That is just my problem’, Shiva was wide awake now. The shot of chillum had done its duty. ‘Why can’t they lay pipelines to transport water from places of abundance to places of scarcity - as they have done for oil?’
‘Yeah,’ Betty agreed. ‘They could even set up a National Water Redistribution Board and appoint Atalji its Chairman. I think I should pass the idea on to Sonia thro her dream’, Betty said crumpling the empty packet and letting out a sigh of satisfaction.